Playing with Aliens

Gideon Shaw wrote:

Like Athena, he had volunteered for the Legion as a chance to conduct scientific research that other human being had ever done before.

Throw a "no" in there, preferably between the "that" and the "other."

Damn you, Grammar! Why torture me do you?

Perhaps Math and Grammar are out to get you, but at least we are here to catch these things for you....

I do like them...(Vann and Monroe)

I am however just the teeniest bit annoyed at myself. I have a minor difficulty. I can't seem to keep last names straight. I know who the military members are because they've ALWAYS been referred to last name only military style. I have no problem with Amadi's last name. But I seem to get muddles with everyone else. Take pity on me, kind sir, and post a seperate thread with your damatis personae. Please?

Yeah, we did get introduced to a sizable group, both in the stateside pre-Reset facility, and also the simulated mission.

I was thinking it could be interesting should the Myridons discover some aspect of their programming that would suggest that their alien benefactors weren't quite as benevolent as they make themselves out to be. Maybe nothing as bad as an "Order 66" style override, perhaps just something to ensure the Humans don't turn on them...

I was kind of thinking that the conditioning would be the fact that the aliens have taken broken losers and given them a new life. I also think that having them interact with aliens like George the Kraken helps reinforce that. I really don't want to go into that "the good aliens are really bad" theme. That's been done to death. I really want an alien that shows up and says "hey, we're friendly" and actually mean it.

Now, the hidden "shame" of the Makers is that they created the Ro-chaq (by accident), but it's still their fault. I don't think I've introduced that in what I've written so far.

Not yet, and I think that will give the characters plenty of angst with out actually having the makers be bad guys. TY btw.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna need a list, too, because I keep forgetting what I've named things. I also gotta go back and rewrite all that about Sturgis because it's in South Dakota, not Wyoming. But that's what first drafts are for, right?

exacatacktly!

Okay, so I was dissatisfied with how 013, 014, and 015 were turning out. So, I dumped 015, then, I edited 013 & 014, combining them into a new 013. A new 014 is forthcoming. Just as soon as I write it.

in other words go re read?

Re: The show vs a standard custom gun shop:

You run the serious issue of dating yourself pretty badly - right now it's relevant, but that won't always be the case. Might I suggest that a well researched fictional gun shop might be a better way to go? Perhaps even a fictional version of the show, set in another city perhaps - Colorado Springs is a good suggestion and close to Denver. Grand Junction would also work - or you could just have it be a fictionalized version of the actual shop - doesn't matter. Folks who know should be able to look and go: "I know what you did there!" but it also shouldn't mention the actual show - for copyright violations if nothing else. You aren't allowed to use their trademark without their approval. I'm not saying it would be hard to get, but you'd need it before you published, and I honestly think it might be easier without it.

Just a suggestion, feel free to ignore as you will.

BTW, I like the rewrite of 13.

Actually, I did change names, kept them close, and I changed the name of the store. I based what I wrote about the store from the pricing on their website. Denver is like Atlanta. It's a huge metropolitan area, and the real version of the show is actually in one of Denver's suburbs. So, yeah, I fictionalized reality to keep it close but to protect me from copyright infringement.

Alright, I made one tiny little change to WIP 013:

Quote :

“That’s just the start. We’ll also be outfitting you with and training you on a new addition to your Lorica armor system called Thick Skin. Now, follow the directions in your personal HUD, get squared away, and report to the Armory at 1500. Dismissed!”

I'm still considering whether or not Panoply (as I'm currently calling it) is something that the Myrmidons would utilize or if I'm gonna keep calling it 'Panoply'. "Thick Skin" on the other hand is gonna be something that they will utilize all the time. Just gotta figure out what all it will do.

Unlike Venom, Thick Skin is not a sentient symbiote. In fact, without interaction with with a QPCP, it's pretty much an inert mass. Also, it's not liquid metal like the T-1000 (the actual inspiration), but is more of a mesh of nanites. I'm beginning to think that there might be a "big brother" version of Thick Skin that they get at some point that'll act as powered body armor.

Or maybe it'll be a part of the powered body armor system.

Part of a pa system makes the most sense.

I like it, but If I was there I'd ask if it had a built in support, cause unsupported boobies HURT(!) when you run or even walk for extended periods of time. But that's just me.

Gideon Shaw wrote:

WIP 015
Under normal operation, one man served to aim and fire the Spatha, while his assistant schlepped and then loaded the weapon’s ammunition.

"Schlepped" is fine for dialog, but I'm not sure I'd use it in the narrative itself.

Gideon Shaw wrote:

Then, he three squads of Second Platoon up the ramp to the cargo hatch.

You seem to have lost the sent.

Gideon Shaw wrote:

“Myrmidons, turn your platoons over to their lieutenant and converge on my position,” Colton ordered.

If Colton is a Lieutenant, I wouldn't think the Myrmidons assigned to him would have lieutenants as subordinates, unless you meant the term in its more generic "underling" sense. If so, fine, but you might want to clarify that.

Finally, having both platoons and Krakens with "number-number" names (even if the Krakens go by human given names) could get confusing.

Just for fun. Opinions welcome.

Not exactly what I pictured. I was thinking something more like a heraldic bird. Less something that looks like a fire breathing canary looking to nuke and/or BBQ the cat. I mean, it's a bad ass canary.

I started another thread for this other story line idea I had. That thread is called "More Scenes from the Archives of the Terran Legion".

The 000-level WIPs are set in 2015.

The 100-level WIPs are set fifteen years later in 2030.

Please continue commenting in this thread.

Gideon Shaw wrote:

“Yeah,” Piero nodded. “Sure.” Then, he started to stumble off until Cowboy caught him by the arm and directed him away from the edge of the room.

Change "room" to "roof" and you're good to go (after the first reading.)

After 15 years - and some of that being wartime - I'd imagine Legion tech will have advanced immensely (like the chameleon abilities of the Thick Skin.) Should make it interesting if you're writing both concurrently, rather like writing for "Enterprise" and "TNG" at the same time.

The way I figure it, the Thick Skin always had that sort of cloaking ability, but the Makers hadn't quite realized it until a group of Myrmidons (being a bunch of geeks and experimenters) figured out how to program the Thick Skin to do things like that.

As far as the tech goes, though, I'm thinking of making the 2030 story the primary timeline, and the 2015 stuff more of background, prequel kind of stuff. As I was writing it, I realized that there was a bunch of stuff that the Legionnaires should have learned in Basic training that I hadn't thought of (never having gone through basic training).

That's why I label all these scenes "WIP" for "Work In Progress".

So maybe use the 000 level scenes as flashbacks? Or start in media res and then go back and explain?